Posted by: Wagons Ho | January 6, 2012

Things soap operas have taught me

I know you might be saying “Soap operas are trash!” but many life lessons can be learned by watching them. Here are just a few.

Everyone is rich- Even the “common” folk have so much money they only have to work when something exciting is happening at the office/mansion/etc. I’m certain I am rich and just don’t know it. This happens a lot.

Crazy people never die/stay in jail/stay in the mental hospital- trust me they will be back.

Everyone goes to jail several times for  crimes they committed/didn’t commit/are claiming they committed to cover for someone else who also didn’t do it but you think they did. The good news is…

When you are in jail you spend most of the day in a small, private room accepting unlimited visitors- you also have unlimited access to phones, tv’s, etc and can talk however you want to the police.

No one ever gets older- unless you are a baby and then you age at the rate of about 1 year for every 3 months. But that is only until you hit that awkward stage of being old enough to talk but not old enough to be sleeping with everyone in town. Which leads us to our next item…

When kids go away for camp/school/a long movie they come back in their early to mid 20’s- I have considered this for my own kids as it seems like a great way to save money on college.

Everyone has an evil twin- or a really great plastic surgeon that will make you like exactly like the person you are impersonating, even when you are naked.

Everyone is related to everyone and will eventually sleep with at least one long-lost brother/mother/sister/evil twin.

There is only one bar/gym/coffee shop/restaurant/hotel in any town at any one time and everyone goes there on the same day, at the same time.

Nothing really exciting happens until a Friday and then only in the last few minutes of the day.

Everything works out for everyone eventually- no matter what kind of mess you are in it will all work out for everyone. You’ll then have even more money, a new house, a new spouse and a new baby (that may not be yours).


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