Posted by: Wagons Ho | January 26, 2012

Baby DI’s

It occurred to me that babies would make fantastic drill instructors. That’s insane you say? I beg to differ. Here’s why.

They’ll live anywhere. –  Babies will go wherever you take them. Mainly because they can’t get anywhere themselves.  They will never complain that they don’t want to live in the middle of nowhere, that the barracks are too small, or that there are no good bars in town. Give them a crib and a blankey and they are good to go.

They are loud. – I’m willing to bet most babies can out scream any drill instructor on his best day. It’s a bonus that they love yelling, the higher pitched the better. Plus, babies never get laryngitis. They can yell at the top of their lungs for hours straight without needing a break or a throat lozenge.

They thrive on what seems to be no sleep. – Our military members need to be ready to go at a minutes notice, function on little sleep and catch some z’s anyplace they can. Babies love to wake up randomly through the night, scream until everyone is awake and then roll over peacefully and fall right back asleep. They also enjoy waking up at o dark thirty to get the day started, refuse to nap for no good reason and then pass out sideways on a chair for a 5 minute nap that will give them 12 hours worth of energy.

They are random. – With a baby you never know what is coming. One minute they are happy, the next hacked off at the world. Their favorite toy yesterday is a death trap that must be avoided at all costs today. Recruits need to be able to adapt to changes quickly and there is nothing like trying to keep a baby satisfied to teach you that.

They make great inspectors/weapons makers. – Nothing gets by a baby. That tiny piece of lint, behind the chair, in the corner, two rooms away. He’s on it! There isn’t a crumb, scrap of paper, sharp pin, or half filled bucket that a baby won’t find and attempt to use as a dangerous weapon before you can blink.

No gas chamber required. – The smells a baby can emit without even trying would put any gas chamber to shame. After a few days with their baby DI the recruits will be able to withstand some pretty noxious stuff without throwing up or running away in horror.

They’ll drive you crazy and make you love them, all at the same time. – Ask any member of the military what their DI’s name was and they can tell you immediately. He/she drove them crazy, made them question every decision they made and yet they can’t imagine having done it without them. Babies are genius at doing that same thing. You’ll never look at the world the same way again once you have been through basic or had a baby.



  1. I LOVE THIS!!!

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