Posted by: Wagons Ho | February 12, 2013

Mommy guilt

Trapp is sick. Nothing specific but he was running a fever so I kept him home from school. Unfortunately, we didn’t win the lottery yet so I still had to go to work. Fortunately, I telecommute so I was just a stair case away. I set him up on the couch with the remote, showed him how to use the intercom button on the phone to call me, filled up his cups with juice and water,  covered him with a blanky and went to work. I checked him throughout the day, ate lunch with him, and called down between meetings to see if he needed anything. We made the best of a not perfect situation and everything seemed ok.

Until work was over. His fever was back, along with a stomach-ache and a headache. I asked him how long his stomach had been hurting and he said “Since after lunch.” I asked him why he didn’t say anything. He said “Because you had a meeting.” I was crushed. I told him no meeting was ever more important than he was and he could have told me but the whole time I could hear myself telling him “Mommy has a meeting so I need you to be quiet if you come to the office.” He obviously heard “Mommy doesn’t want to be bothered.” and honestly, I meant that a little too. Yes, that sounds terrible, but the truth is I was working and I did have meetings. Should I have taken the day off? Maybe, but I had several things on the agenda and I’m taking off next Monday for a school holiday.  Not great reasons, but reasons none the less.

Mommy guilt sucks. It’s there all the time. You do too much or not enough, they are too thin and eat too much junk, they don’t play enough, watch too much tv, don’t get read to enough. On and on it goes. Working just adds to that. I don’t volunteer in his classroom like “all the other moms” or bring him lunch from Chic-fil-a just because. Now I get to add having your baby sick and in pain but not wanting to bother you at work to the list. Guess I’ll just have to give him some extra loving and try to do it better the next time. Because, for sure, there will be a next time. That’s how mommy guilt gets you.

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