Posted by: Wagons Ho | July 10, 2013

Daddy, daddy, daddy

I think the baby hates me. Sigh….  He has always preferred daddy. Trapp preferred me until he was about a year old, then it was all about daddy. But when he was tired, sick, hurt, or upset, he wanted me. Still does. The baby on the other hand wants daddy. He’ll take me if Marshall isn’t here but when he is, forget about it.

As he’s gotten older, and is talking more, it’s getting worse. When he only wanted daddy to put him to bed I enjoyed the extra time. When started refusing to let me blow on his hot food, because only daddy can do it, it was cute. The first few times I came in his room while he was crying and he said “No. Go back to bed.” I laughed. But as times goes on it’s not as funny anymore.

It breaks my heart when I go to him and he screams like it’s the worst thing that has ever happened. When he points at the door and yells “Don’t want! You go! I want daddy!” When he moves to the corner of the crib to get as far away from me as possible. It’s gotten to where I don’t go in his room during the night if he cries. There’s no point. Only daddy can calm him. He just gets more worked up if I go in there.

I know in my head that he doesn’t hate me. That he’s two and being two is hard. I know that he runs to me for hugs and kisses and cuddles. I know he loves to play with me and comes to me to kiss his boo boos. That he tells me he loves me and I feel that love every day. But still, it hurts. And, if I’m honest, it makes me mad too. Why aren’t I good enough? What does Marshall do that’s so great? Is it because I’m the one that takes him to daycare, leaving while he cried every day for months when he first started? Is it because I’m the one that let him cry it out when we were trying to get him to sleep through the night while daddy would sit in his room for hours because he can’t stand to hear him cry? Is it something deeper than that? Maybe some subconscious feeling of abandonment from his birth mother. Maybe he’s just an ass, or maybe I am. Who knows.

What I do know is that I need to find a way to come to terms with it. To try not to take it personally. To know that starting tomorrow he could want me more, or not. That my issues have nothing to do with him and he is perfect just the way he is. Maybe I just need Marshall to give me a big hug, and blow on my hot food, as clearly he is awesome at that.

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Responses

  1. Sorry that this phase is so hard on you. I think you have it right in your last paragraph – as hard as it is, don’t take it personally.
    My younger son prefers my wife in many ways. I also blogged about it. If you have a chance, check it out – http://larrydbernstein.com/my-son-doesnt-hate-me/

    • Thanks so much. It’s always nice to know you aren’t the only one. 🙂

      • You are welcome, and you definitely are not.


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