Posted by: Wagons Ho | January 3, 2016

30 Minutes

It’s been 8 days since mom died. Marshall and the boys left a couple days ago. They had to get back for work and school. I stayed to help dad with the transition, work on going through the house with my sister, get the probate started, and a million other things we have on our lists.

The days seem normal but I’m exhausted beyond belief. Last night I forced myself to stay up until 9:30pm and barely laid down before I passed out. My sister stayed here last night so I didn’t feel bad about turning in early. Tonight it’s just me and dad, and he’s still watching tv, so I’m trying to stay up until he’s ready for bed.

I’m sure it’s mental exhaustion more than anything. I’m worried about so many things and feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. I want to fall apart but need to keep it together, at least until I get home.

So here I sit. Willing myself not to get up. Trying not to be irritated at every little noise. Trying to ignore the fact that every other commercial is  about life insurance to cover funeral costs for a parent. Trying to read a book but rushing through the pages because I just want to be done with it. Trying to do anything but scream “Goodnight!”, race into the bedroom and stay in bed for a week.

I just need to get through 30 more minutes. 30 minutes is nothing in the scheme of the last 8 days. 30 minutes until I can forget the world for a few hours. 30 minutes. I can do this.

 

 

 

 

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