Posted by: Wagons Ho | January 26, 2016

Another blow

Today makes one month since mom died and I was having a rough morning. In the midst of trying to pull myself together I heard Marshall calling to Indy, one of our dogs. He sounded upset and it was different than his usual yelling at them when they were outside. I was just about ready to ask if everything was ok when he quit yelling and I heard him getting back to the morning routine.

A few minutes later I heard another commotion from downstairs. Marshall was clearly upset and telling the boys to get me. I called down asking what was wrong. He said Indy was throwing up blood and he needed to rush him to the vet. Marshall isn’t usually one to overreact so I knew it was bad. I ran downstairs and our poor little Indy was laying on the floor, gasping for breath. There was a puddle of bloody fluid under his head. I was in shock. I grabbed him up and held him trying to figure out what to do. He was clearly dying. As Marshall was calling to see if the vet was open I held Indy, willing him to live. He died in my arms before Marshall could hang up.

I didn’t want to let him go. He couldn’t be gone. He wasn’t sick, wasn’t injured, wasn’t that old. How could he just be gone like this? Marshall finally convinced me to let go. The boys and I said goodbye and Marshall took Indy to the vet one last time. The vet suspects he had a heart attack.

He was a sweet little dog who made us happy, drove us crazy, loved us like only a dog can do. I should be thankful it was quick. That he didn’t suffer. That he was in his home, surrounded by people who loved him, and that we got a chance to say goodbye. And I am.

I should also be angry. Angry at the turns of fate that have brought so much loss, and just plain bad luck, into our lives the last few months. But I’m not. I’m numb.

I want to scream uncle. To beg forgiveness to whatever God I have offended. To continue to believe that good thoughts bring good things. But I can’t right now. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I pray it won’t be worse.


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