Posted by: Wagons Ho | February 26, 2016

2 Months

It’s been two months since mom died. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m exhausted. I’m going through the motions. I’m going to work. I’m spending time with the kids and Marshall. I’m paying the bills. I’m going out with friends. I’m cooking meals. I’m faking it.

I want my mom back. I want to be able to call her up. I want her to see Max graduate from pre-school, and watch both boys graduate from college. I want her to go to the beach. I want to fight with her. I want to talk about how crazy she is with my sister. I want to listen to her complain about my dad. I want to laugh with her. I want to talk about tv shows and movies with her. I want to talk about the election with her. I want her see the boys get their first communion. I want to watch her play with the kids in the back yard. I want to complain to her about Trapp’s teacher. I want to talk about nothing with her. I want to see her face.  I want to hug her.

I don’t care that what I’m going through is “normal”. I don’t care that “someday” it will be better. I don’t care that “someday” I won’t cry every day. I don’t care that “someday” the good memories will outweigh the sad ones. I don’t care that she lived a “long” life. I don’t care that she is still “with” me. I don’t care about what “she would want”. Do you hear me?? I..DO..NOT..CARE.

It’s been two months since mom died. I am not ok.

 

 

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Responses

  1. My heart goes out to you! I will have you in my thoughts and prayers! Blessings!


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